Just want to be loved
by 1Doctor
Summary: Robin's thoughts at the end of each episode. All finished! Now to think of another story! Mmmmh! Hope you liked this one!
1. Will You Tolerate This?

Will You Tolerate This? 

Honestly! Don't think it could really get much worse! I mean, there I was, just relaxing by the fire, waiting for tea, when all of a sudden out pop some rather unsavoury characters! OK, so I'm in the middle of a forest, but come on! Give me a break! If I'd have known this was the welcome I was gunna get, there would be no chance the King could have sent me home.

Although, Marian is still unmarried, which, I must say, was a very pleasant surprise! The only one since my return home. That's a strange word that is. Home. I mean, is home where you live, where you sleep and eat? Is it a place or a person? 'Coz Much is always with me, so I'm guessing home is where Much is. That sounds kinda corny really!

Wait, why am I talking to myself while the above mentioned guys tie me up and take my clothes?! Why am I talking to myself at all?!

Poor Much! Maybe I should have let him eat something at Locksley. I did say he didn't have to come with me to see Edward, but don't think he would trust me enough to go out by myself, especially with anything connected to Marian!

Aah, Marian! Boy has she gotten pretty! Sorry, prettier! She was already pretty, now she's gorgeous! Can't believe she's still not married. Would at least have thought she would have suitors. Didn't think Edward was the type to stop any courting, within reason of course. Maybe there just hasn't been any. Well, a guy can always hope! And dream! Jeez, I wonder if Much remembers the dreams. Hope not! Man, were they embarrassing, but also quite comforting, in a weird sort of way. Who would have thought that Marian would be the one to save Robin of Locksley, Earl of Huntington. Much probably! And our parents, otherwise we wouldn't have been betrothed. I never really got the whole betrothal thing. I mean, how come your parents got to choose who you got married to? That's just a step away from controlling when we have kids!

I never really thought about having children, well not until the Holy Land anyway. It has a habit of making you think about the future, the future that you may not have. Kinda depressing, but it kept me going. And Much too, I think! Imaging his Bonchurch, with all that food and wine and women! Bless him!

Anyway, as I was saying, to myself! Children. Wonder if Marian ever thought about having them. I always imagined us, in a few years time, sitting out on the hill overlooking Locksley, with a few little kids running around. A boy, definitely, something like Charlie or Aaron, and naturally a girl too! Not sure really what she would be called. Perhaps Marian has a few names she would like. Maybe I'll let her choose. Listen to me, talking about Marian choosing the name for our daughter, whilst I'm tied up in the forest, an outlaw. I'd be surprised if Marian ever spoke to me again. Doubt she's forgiven me for leaving her for war, and now I go and disappoint her again. I don't think even I can forgive myself for leaving her the first time.

Maybe I should focus on getting me and Much out of this! And Allan of course. Not quite sure how he came to be with us! Or Will for that matter. Where is Will anyway? Not sure why they would want to follow me. OK, I could if I still had Locksley and my lands and stuff, but now? I'm an outlaw, living in the forest, with no money, land or help! Suppose it's because I saved them. Couldn't very well let them just die though could I? Well, maybe this is my true calling, once I get out of this predicament, I mean! Could use a bit of back-up right now!


	2. Sheriff Got Your Tongue?

Sheriff Got Your Tongue? 

Who would have known that Locksley would have changed so much? Granted I've changed too, but Locksley? Locksley's my home, the one place I felt safe, a place full of good memories of childhood and my parents. But now, thanks to Gisbourne and the Sheriff, it's changed. No longer can I feel safe in my own home, not that it is anymore. The forest is where I now live. I guess I'm sort of safe, with my loyal band of outlaws. Well most of them are anyway; still don't think Roy trusts me. Especially after I shot him!

Can't say I really enjoyed the past few days, especially being held in the dungeons! Even when Marian came to see me. Never knew she cared so much. She was willingly to help me escape; she has no idea how much that meant to me. Of course, Much came and sort of saved the day, as usual! But it was nice to know Marian's always there for me still. I'm losing count of the number of times she saved me, whether consciously done or not. Boy, do I love her! Wait, love?! Where did that come from?! Well, I guess it's true, but catch me saying that to anyone, let alone Marian. If the Sheriff ever found out that she was helping me, well I don't even want to think about it. Don't think I would be able to cope if anything happened to her. It's bad enough that I only get to see her every now and again, and those times, only for a few minutes. All this sneaking around doesn't exactly count as courting! Not that Marian would even see it as that anyway! Guess I'll just have to go back to hoping that one day the King will return, and with it, the chance of a future with Marian. It's the only thing keeping me going now! Other than helping people of course.

Looks like I've found something to keep me occupied, not that Much is very happy. Think he's almost given up on ever becoming Lord Much of Bonchurch! Maybe I should have listened to Edward and fought the system from the inside, but I couldn't let Allan, Will or anyone be hanged for petty crimes, or have their tongue cut out for my whereabouts. Guess I've got a lot of rescuing to do! But it's good to know that there are people ready to rescue me, when I need it!


	3. Who Shot the Sheriff?

Who Shot the Sheriff? 

Another eventful few days!! One minute I'm helping people, next I'm accused of murder. First I'm in the Sheriff's bedroom offering to help, not a very nice experience, and then I find myself in Marian's bed, which was much more enjoyable! Still can't believe she's the Nightwatchman. I guess she does care about people and would do anything to help. But, I never really imagined her as someone who would go against the system, or the Sheriff. Then again, I didn't really think of her as a woman who would sit at home and let others have all the adventure and fun. Guess I don't really know her. How I would like that to change!

Not that that's likely while the Sheriff or Gisbourne are still around. Gisbourne, even his name sounds slimy! It's so obvious that he likes Marian, and so blatant that she doesn't like him! Although, I'm not too sure that she likes me either, which is a bit of a shame.

Can't believe what this new Sheriff is like. Poor Joe. He's worked so hard all his life, as has his wife. Or had. And then they just get chucked out of their house, so she's unable to die in her own bed. This is why we do what we do, to ensure this kind of action doesn't happen again. I really hate the Sheriff. Can't remember now why I said I would save his life. First and last time I hope. Although, he's right, as much as I didn't want to admit it. I can't just kill people anymore, even if they do deserve it. Guess the Holy Land did teach me something.

Saw Marian talking to Much earlier too. Not entirely sure why, but I felt kinda worried. Not about them, you know, getting close or whatever, but its more Much telling Marian how much I need her. I'm sure he wouldn't though, but you just can't be sure. At least I don't think he's said anything about the dreams! Hopefully he's forgotten about them. They've stopped now, or at least reduced in quantity! Except now they've been replaced by dreams of the Holy Land, mainly the Saracen attack on Acre. I think Much has them too. Sometimes, when I'm on late watch, I see him trying to stay awake too. And when he does fall asleep, he mutters and twitches. I feel guilty about taking him with me, not that he would have stayed. Don't know where I would be if it wasn't for him! God knows I love him! As does Much!

Well guess I should try and get some sleep. Who knows what tomorrow will bring!


	4. Parent Hood

Parent Hood 

Today was strange, in a word. Don't think any of us have been able to take it all in. Roy's gone. Not just gone, as in gone out to get more food, or firewood. He's dead. Kaput. Seized to exist. Roy was probably the most reluctant about us joining them, at the start. But he came round, and became one of us. A true and loyal friend. Don't know how John's coping. He's trying is best, but you can tell he's heartbroken. Roy was like his little protégée, his best friend, someone he could always rely on. Now, he's left with us. Just hope it'll be enough.

On a happier note, Annie and Seth are safe, away from Gisbourne, and should have a good life. You can always rely on Marian to sort it all out. She was so good with Seth. The way she held him, it brought back all the dreams, of us and our children. Some day, I plan to make them more than dreams, and watch Marian act like that around our own children. Just hope that I can. This being apart is killing me, so slowly. Even the feel of her hands on my arm caused me to nearly lose control. Thankfully she was as composed as ever. If she had held my arm for a second longer, I don't think I could have been able to be held responsible for my actions. No joke!

Something happened to her I can tell. Her hair's shorter and her demeanour seemed all wrong. There were only slight changes, doubt anyone else would have noticed, but I did. The way she spoke, her nervous eyes and her twitching fingers, something happened. I'm going to find out what, and when I do, so help me God, whoever caused her that pain is going to suffer. I hated seeing her like that. Last time I saw her like that, must have been when we got caught by her night nurse sneaking out of the stables! Jeez was that woman mad! Not quite sure what happened next, just remember not being able to see her for a while, and finding it rather painful to sit down! Damn my father's harsh whip!

There was something in her voice too as she said 'Always different directions.' I'm not sure what; I can't quite place the emotion. Annoyance? Desperation? Sadness? I don't know, but it's killing me. How can she manage to have this affect on me, from just three words? Heaven knows, because I don't.

My Marian. Except she isn't. This whole outlaw business, helping others less fortunate than myself, it's all good, but who's going to help those that need something more than gold and food? Marian is comfortable in her life, but she's still missing something important. Where's someone worthy enough to love her? I love her, but I know I'm not worthy. I doubt if I ever was, or ever will be. As hard as it is to say, I wish that she finds someone soon, who she deserves. Someone who will look after her for a change. Someone who'll take care of her when she's in need. Someone to just love her and listen to her. Whoever he is, he'll be one lucky guy.


	5. Turk Flu

Turk Flu 

Much! I really don't understand him!! Honestly, all he thinks about is food! Good trick from Djaq though! Got him really freaked! Although, it does mean that he still can't eat for a while! Just like Allan! I did warn him not to swallow it, but then, when does Allan ever listen?! At least we managed to close the mine, and help the other Saracens. Hope Djaq manages to fit in over here. Something tells me she won't be short on help from Will, or Allan once he's sane again. Or as sane as he was before! Idiot!

Was really worried earlier on. Not just about John falling down the hidden mineshaft, although that was a heart stopping moment, especially when the Sheriff and Gisbourne appeared. Good job Djaq helped us, after that it was fun! Until she told me about Marian being in danger. I'm so stupid, why did I even mention about her and Gisbourne, not that there is any 'her and Gisbourne', well I hope there isn't anyway. I don't think I've ever run so fast! Felt a bit sorry for the others afterwards, obviously not at the time, I was too focused on Marian. Suppose that's why Much gets so worried about me sometimes, bless him! I thought I was going to be too late; I would never forgive myself if I couldn't help her. But it turned out all right in the end really. I won the silver arrow, even if I didn't collect it. Prefer it to go to someone who needs it, than me. Even though I would have melted it down and handed out the silver. Saved me a job!!

Is that what I'm doing? My job? I never really thought about it as that before, but I guess it is. Except without getting paid! Oh well, can't have everything I guess! Not that I do, we're lucky if we manage to get enough to eat. Shame Djaq can't cook, suppose we'll just have to try and survive on Much's rather well-done cooked rabbits! He does make rather nice stews though, not quite sure where he learnt to cook, must have been in the Holy Lands. Picked up a few tips there myself too! Not just concerning cooking either. You've got to act now, not save anything for tomorrow, or another time, because there might not be one. Kind of a depressive thought, but you've got to live for now. And talking of now, think I might go and check on Marian, just to make sure she's all right after having a bow pointed at her, of course! Now, how to get past Much without telling him where I'm going?! It's going to take all my cunning and subterfuge skills.

HEY MUCH! I'M GOING FOR MORE BREAD! I KNOW YOU CAN'T EAT, BUT NOW WE'VE GOT ANOTHER MOUTH TO FEED, MIGHT AS WELL GO AND GET SOME MORE WHILE I CAN! … YES, I AM GOING TO SEE MARIAN, BUT I'LL TRY AND GET SOME FOOD WHILE I'M THERE!!

Damn Much! He knows me too well! Oh well, at least I get to go and see Marian! Maybe today's not so bad after all!


	6. The Taxman Cometh

The Taxman Cometh 

Today has got to be one of the best in our short history! We are definitely pigs in slops! All that money and we didn't even have to go into the castle to get it. Well we had to go to the castle, but not for the money! Couldn't believe it when we got shut up in the vaults. Not a good experience! Good for us, we had Master Scarlett with us! Nottingham's finest carpenter, well now his father has left! Of course, I'm sure I would have come up with a plan, but it would have taken a while! Good to know my fellow outlaws can think for themselves!

The Sheriff's face when he realised he'd been had too! Priceless!

I never did find out what Marian's decision was, but she seems to have changed her mind now anyway. Something I am very glad about, I must say! Can't imagine her doing what she would be told, she always had a mind of her own, even when we were children. I remember once, when we were playing by the pond in Locksley! It really was her idea to dump all the washing in it! But would she get the blame! Nope I did, which meant that Much got reprimanded for allowing me to do it. Honestly, women! They really have power over us, even miniature ones! Wouldn't change her though, that's what makes her Marian!

Not quite sure why I kissed that other one though. Sort of regret it now, but at least we got all the money! Don't think they'll be back in a while, not that I'm complaining. That boy was so creepy, the way he just popped out his shoulder. Gives me shivers just thinking about it!

Oh well, at least we managed to secure fresh meat for all the villages for a couple of years, should help. Still can't believe that butcher. Beetroot! I know times are tough, but still, he shouldn't be trying to con his own customers. That's just something the Sheriff would do. Unless … no! Wait … yes … that's just … oh! The Sheriff told him to! No wonder why he was giving him the leftovers from the castle kitchen. He wouldn't do anything just for the kindness of it. But what does he get out of it? The villagers buy the rubbish meat, but they get ill from it, so they can't work and then …oh right! I get it, they can't pay their taxes, so they get thrown into prison, and probably hanged. More examples made. Making them not buy the meat, so he has more money for his damn taxes. He is one cheating AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! I really do not like him! No wonder Edward looks so scared all the time; he doesn't know what this new Sheriff will do next. Can't really blame him for wanting to follow the system, he does have Marian to think about. Although, I'm sure Guy would never let anything happen to her, worst luck. He just keeps giving and giving. Marian's not a girl who can be brought, but I'm not entirely sure about Edward. He's not exactly a spring chicken, and he'll want to make sure that Marian is cared for after he's gone. Hurry home King Richard!!


	7. Brothers in Arms

Brothers in Arms 

I don't really know what to say. I mean, everything's just gone so wrong. How can we go from something as amazing as securing fresh meat for everyone, to losing the only woman I ever truly loved? I felt so helpless. I just stood there and let Gisbourne take the last piece of hope out of my life. What else is there now? I know Much would rebuke me for even thinking such things, but I can't help it. Marian, my Marian, engaged to another man. And not just any other man. Sir Guy of Gisbourne. The man that's taken my home and lands, destroyed my village, forced me into an outlaw's life. Well I suppose he didn't really force me into this kind of lifestyle, but it's due to him and the Sheriff's actions that I am sitting alone in the middle of a forest, contemplating life without Marian.

Not sure how I managed to actually complete the wedding ceremony today. It isn't Eleri's fault, I know that, but I just can't stop thinking about the next marriage that's going to be held in Locksley, and the stupid necklace that started all of this. Maybe that's a bit harsh. If Gisbourne hadn't stolen the necklace and given it to Marian, if he hadn't set a trap, if Tom hadn't tried to steal from Knighton meaning Marian had to stay behind, if I'd only gotten there faster.

If, if, if! It's done now; I can't change anything about it. I'm just going to have to live with the fact that Marian is no longer mine, not that she could ever be owned, and my old life has gone.

At least I still have Much! Poor Allan, losing his brother after just finding him again. As much as I regret not being able to save him, I don't think Tom was ever really right to join us. I really meant what I said though, about family. For the first time in ages, I feel like I have a family. Granted, a rather dysfunctional and unusual one, but a family none the less! Never really knew what it was like to have a family. I know Father loved me, but he never really showed it. Guess that was the drawback of being Lord of a manor. Think the best thing he ever did was find me Much. He's like a best friend and big brother all rolled into one! Really don't know how I would survive without him, and he knows it!!

We did manage to do some good deeds, other than Eleri's marriage that is. Lucky George's luck has run out! Everything's been given back, and more besides. At least that's one over on the Sheriff, always helps!!

Suppose I should get back to the party before I'm missed. Time to go and celebrate the end of my life as I know it. Robin of Locksley is long gone. Say hello to Robin Hood, outlaw and peasant's hero.


	8. Tattoo? What Tattoo?

Tattoo? What Tattoo? 

I really hate Gisbourne, and the Sheriff. Just when I thought I could bring them to justice, yet again they manage to worm their way out of it. Using Djaq's own invention, the nerve of them. I don't blame Djaq, or the others for wanting to get her back. I can't say I'm not angry, I'm furious at them for initiating the exchange, but I don't blame them as such. They just wanted her back. Will and Allan more than John and Much! That came as a bit of a surprise to say the least! Maybe it's just because she's the only woman they actually have contact with, other than Marian of course.

Marian. Came to the rescue again, sort of. Not sure how but it was thanks to her that I didn't kill Gisbourne, that and being knocked out a few times by Little John! Damn, my head still hurts! Got to remember that!

It started off an all right day, apart from the dreams. Almost gotten used to the dreams now, they're such a daily occurrence that I expect them every time I close my eyes. Pretty apt for the King's birthday I guess. Don't think Much has forgiven himself for letting slip about Gisbourne's little get together at Locksley! Rare slip up from him! Since when should I need an invitation to attend a meal in my own house?! I had to congratulate the happy couple too. But when I discovered Gisbourne's tattoo, well all gentlemanliness was forgotten. He tried to kill the King. He stabbed me. HE TRIED TO KILL THE KING!! The others wouldn't understand. They weren't there, they didn't experience what we did, they don't get the dreams. Think Djaq understood the sacrifice though. She wants peace as much as the next man, if not more.

Guess I have been a bit too wrapped up in myself lately, too preoccupied with Marian. But that's going to change. Now, I'm for the gang, all of them. I love Marian, and while I'll still do everything I can to prevent the wedding, I need to focus on the task at hand. Surviving Much's cooking!! Oh, and maybe stopping evictions, lowering taxes, relieving Noble's of their possessions and other such homely tasks as finding every way possible to ruin the Sheriff and Gisbourne's day!

Aah! Life is good, in a way! We have food, it's not raining, none of us are in the dungeons or face the noose. All in all, not a bad way to end the day! Time to take a more positive outlook on life I think, and look at all the things I have got and can do, rather than the other way round. After all, it's not like the Sheriff has a major weapon of mass destruction! Then we may have to renew our policy on avoiding trouble! Hang on, that isn't our policy anyway!!

RIGHT THEN! WHO FANCIES A RELAXING WALK TO NOTTINGHAM?! … COME ON MUCH! IT'LL BE FUN! I MIGHT EVEN BUY YOU AN APPLE! … YES, BY THE WORD 'BUY' I DO MEAN STEAL! BUT I PREFER THE WORD 'COMANDEER'! … NO I'M NOT JUST GOING OUT TO LOOK FOR TROUBLE! WHO DO YOU TAKE ME FOR?!! … I'M ROBIN HOOD, AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT!!!


	9. A Thing Or Two About Loyalty

A Thing Or Two About Loyalty 

I WOULD LIKE TO INTRODUCE TO YOU, THE NEW EARL OF BONCHURCH … LORD MUCH!!

Never thought I would be saying that! Even if he was only 'lording' it up for a few days, at least the promise is fulfilled! Now as soon as King Richard returns, both he and I will be able to go back to our respective lands and Manors! He's so excited about it, bless him! At least now he's got something real to look forward too! And of course, his Eve will be waiting!! I never really thought that Much would get a woman, but she seems nice enough, other than the fact that she was working for the Sheriff. Although, she did lie to him for us, or rather for Much. He was thrilled at that! Except now he keeps singing some weird song, it's not one that I've heard before. Must have been one that Eve taught him. She still likes him after she heard him sing?! Must be love!!

About the other action of the day, Lambert's black powder. It really was impressive, but in a terrifying way. If the Sheriff, or Gisbourne, had gotten their hands on it, I dread to think of the catastrophic events that would have followed. But thanks to our impressive plans and courageous efforts, we managed to prevent that happening. My only regret is that we couldn't save Lambert. He didn't seem like a bad guy and he really didn't want his invention to be used for evil. Can't believe he actually trusted Gisbourne! Well he didn't in the end, which worked out good for us!

Not sure what was up with Marian though. I know that she cares about people, and really wanted to help Lambert, but I didn't think that she would have been that affected by his death. She's seen death before, but I've never seen her like that. Maybe she's discovering what Gisbourne is really like. Suppose she does have to get to know him if she's going to be Lady Gisbourne. Still can't quite grasp that fact; she'll be living in Locksley Manor, married to the Master of Locksley village, but with the WRONG MAN. I should be the one! Why did I go to war?! She's right, it was for the glory. But glory is nothing compared to love. I would gladly give up the glory and riches just to have a small piece of love. Now I feel even guiltier about taking Much away from Eve. It really couldn't have been helped, but I know it doesn't hurt Much any less.

At least we managed to take away the Sheriff's new weapon. Djaq thinks I didn't see her take the ledger out of the fire. I knew she wouldn't be happy about destroying it; just thought I'd give her a chance, see what she did. Doubt whether she'll be able to make it, I'm not dismissing her abilities, it's just I'm not sure whether the ingredients can be found in a forest! Oh well, might as well let her think she has the power of Greek Fire!

Best go and celebrate Much's 'becoming a Lord' ceremony. It won't be as grand as others, but at least he'll be well fed for once!

ALL HAIL LORD MUCH!!


	10. Peace? Off!

Peace? Off! 

I do listen to Much, occasionally, when he's saying something useful or important! I was really proud of him these last few days, the way he handled Harold, don't think anyone else would have been able to do it really. Well, I suppose it was because he could connect with him, about his fears of the Holy Lands. Think he's almost come to peace with himself because of it; guess that's one good thing anyway.

Couldn't really believe John though! A big man like him scared of a little mask! True it was a bit gruesome, but there was really no need to get all the superstition. I was half expecting a Priest to come and perform a ceremony or something on the forest!

Who would have known a Saracen Prince would come to Nottingham! That's crazy in its own sense, but to come and talk of peace with the Sheriff?! Let's just say that's one I would have put on my virtually impossible list, along with Gisbourne and me becoming best buddies! Now that's not just virtually impossible, it's totally unbelievably 100 percent NEVER going to even cross my mind again! Well at least that's cleared that up! He's such a slimy git, buying Marian a horse from ransom money! The cheek of it! Oh well, at least she had some enjoyment for a few days, even if it was with a horse from Gisbourne. Women, how fickle! But Allan was right, those were nice legs! And I'm not just talking about the horse!!

But, wooh! Those women! There's no way I would disagree with them! Good job we had Harold on our side, that's all I'm gunna say! Can't believe anyone would do something like that to another human being. Can't even begin to imagine what Harold must have been through. To be tortured to kill your own men, I'm not surprised his dreams are worse. Hopefully Prince Malik will be able to heal him, with his mask. Can't believe Harold would want to go back, but at least it allows him the chance to get healed.

Not really much else happening round here, gives us a chance to relax I suppose. It'll soon be tax season again, meaning more work for all of us! Along with more fun! Hopefully we'll be able to make away with it all like before. Best take as much time out now as we can, time for one of Much's amazing kebabbies I think!!


	11. Dead Man Walking

Dead Man Walking

Oh, don't you just love the Tax Season!! Well, once we've got all the money that is! Don't think the Sheriff was impressed, nor Gisbourne! Switching the gold for the sacks of grain! Genius, even if I say so myself! Of course, everyone did help out, just a little bit!

Think Allan rather enjoyed his role as a guard, especially the whipping Will bit. Wonder whether I should be worried about that?! Oh well, I'll think about that later, now is the time to celebrate one of our more successful attempts!

Although, I doubt whether Little John really feels that we won. He regained and then lost his family in such a short time. At least he did finally manage to meet his son. Little Little John does look a lot like our Little John, wouldn't be surprised if, in a few years, he grew up to be the same size as him either! He's already got John's spirit and determination, as well as his loyalty to Alice and his family. I just wish there was something I could do for John. He's given up so much, and lost more besides. His old family in the forest has all gone; everyone apart from Roy decided they would rather take their families and leave. And then when Roy died, it was like losing his son all over. Think we might need to be extra nice to our resident big guy over the next few days; after all we're all he's got. Isn't that a depressing thought!

It wasn't all about losing today; we did gain basically all of the tax money and gave most of it back. We thought that we should ration it out a bit otherwise the villagers might go a bit mad and spend it all at once. They might not have, but we didn't want to take the risk, especially after all the hard work we had to do to actually get it back to them!! In particular talking to Marian, which was, without doubt, the hardest part of the whole outing!

Couldn't believe it when Gisbourne told me to take Marian's things up to her! The one person who might be able to help us, being offered by the person who was the root of the problem, that's irony for you! Obviously Gisbourne didn't recognise me, why would he? But Marian did, always knew there was no fooling her. She seemed happy to see me, even happier when I snuck back in after old Gisbourne had gone. I really meant what I said about not giving up on people, I was sort of talking about Marian, but think she got that. I just hope that she didn't mean what she said, about it being too late for some people. Am I really too late for her? I hope not, I've seen what losing your family does to you; one look at Little John right now will tell you there's nothing that compares to the pain and sorrow of knowing you'll never see your loved ones again. What's worse is that I actually would see her, but with Gisbourne, and I wouldn't be able to talk to her, touch her, nothing, not even a smile. A world without smiles and Marian is not one in which I intend to inhabit. Something has got to be done to ensure that it does not come to pass. There has to be something. I need a plan, and quick.


	12. The Return of the King

The Return of the King

How the hell did I let this happen? We had it all sorted, the Physician was going to speak out against Gisbourne when the King came back, Gisbourne and the Sheriff were going to be brought to justice, and Marian would be free from marrying Gisbourne. Oh and we would be pardoned and get our lands back, not that I'm really that interested in that, but I know Much was. But now, that's all it's going to be, a thought, another dream for Much to dream. I've given up on dreaming, I have no need of them anymore. What's the use of dreaming when everything you've ever wanting slowly evades you, until it finally leaves? What else do I have to fight for now? The one thing that kept me going was the fight against the system for Marian, so that one day we would both be free to marry, as was intended. But now? No dream, no hope, no Marian.

Marian. Marian! My one true love that now lies dead in front of me. I still can't quite believe it. I keep expecting her to open her eyes and tell me to grow up. I would gladly hear her chastise me now. Marian, please, you can yell and shout and scream at me as much as you like, just please come back. I can't do it without you. I need you. I love you.

This is all my fault. I was the one that told her to go and rob Gisbourne rather than acquire wealth herself, and now look at us. Gisbourne, the man that I had just saved her from, still manages to take her away from me.

Why am I so goddamn stupid? It was obvious that Pitts was somehow working with Gisbourne, after all he did lie for him. Why didn't I see it before? Now we're all going to die. At least I would be with Marian.

NO!

I'm not going to let that happen. I will not leave Much or John or Djaq to face the mess that I have created. I am going to save them, and then kill both the Sheriff and Gisbourne. This is all their fault, not mine. If it wasn't for them then we wouldn't be living in a cave right now, and Marian would not be dead. I am not going to let them win. They've taken Marian, but it's the last person they are going to take from me. This ends, now.


	13. A Clue: No

Clue: No

Who would have thought two days ago that we would be celebrating as we are now?! Everything's just right! OK, so the Sheriff and Gisbourne are still in charge, and the King is still in the Holy Lands, and we're still living as outlaws in a forest, but aside from that everything's as it should be! Marian's alive and not married!! I'm not entirely sure why Marian is not dead, but I'm not going to question it! It's the best thing that has happened to me since my return to England.

Although, it wasn't all happy and joy. I still thought I had lost her. After getting her back, then losing her again, I finally thought that now she was mine to stay. Until of course, it was pointed out that our only chance of bringing Gisbourne to justice had been killed by Gisbourne himself. There was no way I was going to let the wedding take place. I didn't care what Edward was telling me about the Sheriff's plan to kill the King. At that moment, all I cared about was Marian and preventing her from leaving me again. I know it was selfish, but for once I just wanted to think about me and what I needed. I didn't just want Marian, I needed her. After realising what I'm like without her, I never want to go through that again. So I did the only thing I could think of, for the first time, I ran. I ran from everything I didn't want, from all my shattered hopes and dreams, all the people I love, to the one place that will soon not be mine at all.

Locksley.

I should have known that Much would not leave me. I felt guilty as soon as I said those things to him. It wasn't his fault, but I just wanted someone to experience the pain that I was feeling. Another selfish act. But at the time I didn't care, I wasn't myself. I'm not sure how long I sat there for, I just remember thinking about all that I've lost and the pain that accompanied it. After a while, I was so disgusted with myself for what I had become I had to leave. I needed to find Marian, to just find out.

Even now I don't know what I was expecting. Maybe for her to throw her arms around me and beg me to take her away, to save her from Gisbourne, because she loved me and couldn't bear to be apart from me a moment longer. Even then I knew that was unlikely to happen. But when she told me to grow up and that she was going to marry him, my already broken heart, shattered into tiny pieces. I was a broken man, what else did I have left? Much was unlikely to ever talk to me again, I didn't feel like, or want to be, a leader and Marian was out of my reach. So I planned to leave. I would spend my last night overlooking my home, and then I would leave it all behind.

Well that was the plan anyway! I always underestimate Much, and am still frequently surprised by him. I'll never know how he can be so forgiving, but I am grateful! Never again shall I treat Much as just another outlaw, he's more than a friend, more than a brother, he's my guardian angel! I've no idea where I would be without him, probably on my way to Hull, on my own, preparing to go back to the Holy Land and fight for something I have no interest or belief in. But now it's all changed!

No King means no wedding! Marian looked so beautiful! Even more so when I was kissing her! Only then did I allow myself to dream of hope again. But still had a job to do! Save the Nobles, and get out scot-free. Easy work!! Bit of fun!!

Now, here we sit, in our forest, toasting each and every person we can think of. Tonight is not for reflecting on our past pains or our lost loves, tonight is for looking towards our future dreams and new hopes. Tonight is for us.

TO US, THE MOST NOTORIOUS OF OUTLAWS TO EVER LIVE IN SHERWOOD FOREST AND PROTECT THE PEOPLE OF NOTTINGHAM!! TO LITTLE JOHN, OUR RESIDENT BODYGUARD!! TO ALLAN, OUR VERY OWN LIAR AND TREASURED PICKPOCKET!! TO WILL, OUR LIFESAVER IN THE FORM OF WOOD!! TO DJAQ, ONE OF THE LADS, AND MASTER ALCHEMIST!! TO MUCH, OUR AMAZING COOK, OUR CONSTANT REMINDER TO GET MORE FOOD, AND MY PERSONAL RESCUER!! TO THE PAST, TO NOW, AND TO OUR VERY PROFITABLE FUTURE!! TO US!!


End file.
